Kitchen Talk
by COOKIECHEESEMAN
Summary: Robin and Cordelia are innocently baking cookies in the kitchen... but it doesn't sound like it from the other side of the door. Robin(M)xCordelia, with Sully and Sumia as the unfortunate eavesdroppers.


Author's Notes

This is one of those "rated T for a reason" fics! BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT THIS TIME I SWEAR! Okay, some of it is my fault, but not entirely!

* * *

Kitchen Talk

"Thanks for helping me bake these cookies, Cordelia," Robin says as he picks out ingredients from the pantry. "It will be nice to share them with Severa and Morgan... both pairs of them, of course!"

"No problem at all, honey," Cordelia replies, giving her husband a small peck on the cheek. "These are supposed to be in celebration of us finding you again after defeating Grima. Honestly, you should be waiting in the lounge as I bake these for _you_."

"Nonsense," Robin responds back, and he waves his hand in defiance. "I missed you, and I thought we could spend some time together doing something different."

"That's very sweet of you."

After they get everything they need together, the two of them consult the cookbook on what to do next.

* * *

 _ **The Perspective of Those Listening Outside of the Kitchen**_

Meanwhile, Sully and Sumia are on their way to the training grounds to have a few practice matches, but some commotion in one of the rooms on their way there intrigues them enough to stop in their tracks and press their ears up to the door and listen to what's going on. They don't have perfect audio quality, but they can hear voices on the other side.

"Somebody baking something in the kitchen? The cooks should be on break or something right now," Sully comments, trying to distinguish the voices on the other side of the door. "I'm curious for some reason."

Sumia is not as keen to find out what's happening as Sully is. "I'm sure they're just making a snack. Nothing important..."

Suddenly, the voices get louder and a bit more distinguishable.

" _Squeeze it!"_

" _W-what?"_

" _Come on, just squeeze it. It's not that difficult."_

"Um... what are we listening to?" Sumia asks in understandable curiosity, but Sully seems to ignore the question, especially after a small chuckle can be heard on the other side of the door. They continue to listen for a bit...

" _Gack!"_

" _Oh! I'm so sorry! Did I squeeze a bit too hard?"_

For some reason, the question motivates Sully to remove her breastplate and place one of her hands on her chest, sporting an uncomfortable look of longing on her face.

" _No, it was actually perfect, but you twisted for too long."_ A slight pause. _"I have to soak it in some water to cool it down, and then we can try again. You'll get it right, I just know it."_

At this point, Sully's cheeks redden slightly as she starts squeezing and rubbing her breast with desire in her eyes, kneading it through the material of her shirt; not aggressively, but clearly targeting a specific spot in the center with her fingers. To Sumia's horror, she herself unconsciously removes her breastplate and starts doing the same thing on her own body, enjoying it much more than a quiet, polite girl like her should. A light panting can be heard from both of the women.

" _Maybe two hands would be more efficient?"_

" _A wonderful idea. I'll show you myself how I do it first, though, so you'll have a better idea on the execution of..."_

"I need to find Libra immediately," Sully abruptly announces, and she walks very quickly towards the medical chambers where she thinks her husband would be. Now leaving Sumia alone, confused, and strangely aroused, she slowly staggers towards the training grounds to see if _her_ husband, Lon'qu, is available to... help her out.

"What's wrong with... me?" Sumia breathes out, attempting to keep her breathing as normal as possible as she fights a losing battle to keep the blush off of her face.

* * *

 _ **The Perspective of Those Inside the Kitchen**_

"So, we've got the dough ready, what's the next step?"

"Well, we have to make the dough into the cookie outlines," Cordelia quietly reads out of the book. "You have to squeeze and twist them into shape. Don't forget we're making very small cookies so that we can make lots of them."

Robin is dumbfounded. Since he knows nothing about cooking, he has absolutely no idea what he should be doing, even with such simple instructions. "What if I squeeze too hard?"

"Here, try this," Cordelia suggests, sticking out her finger in front of Robin. When he doesn't react, she says a bit more forcefully, "squeeze it!"

Robin is astounded. "W-what?"

"Come on, just squeeze it. It's not that difficult."

Robin playfully squeezes his wife's finger, finding the idea a bit humourous. With an encouraging nod and a chuckle from his wife, Robin squeezes harder this time, but this time Cordelia does not react as happily as before.

"Gack!" she exclaims, rubbing her finger tenderly.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" Robin apologizes, upset that he hurt his wife somehow. The grief on his face is very distinguishable. "Did I squeeze a bit too hard?"

"No, it was actually perfect, but you twisted for too long," Cordelia replies, not at all upset at Robin, and this relieves him immensely. She walks over to the wash basin and says, "I have to soak it in some water to cool it down, and then we can try again." She gives him a warm smile. "You'll get it right, I just know it."

Robin thinks for a moment, and comes up with an idea to maybe save a bit of time since they've lost some of it due to his actions. "Maybe two hands would be more efficient?"

Cordelia gives her husband another smile. "A wonderful idea. I'll show you myself how I do it first, though, so you'll have a better idea on the execution of..."

Suddenly, they hear the sound of someone walking very quickly away from the vicinity of the door, and the pair looks at each other in confusion.

"Was someone nearby?"

"Probably someone was walking by and then realized they had something to do, so they had to leave quickly," Robin guesses, and the answer satisfies Cordelia for now.

* * *

After another lesson from Cordelia on the art of finger twisting, and after they're finished conforming the cookies into their desired shape, the husband and wife look at their creations with pride. All that's left to do is to bake the cookies, and then they'll be ready for consumption. For some reason, though, something strange crosses Cordelia's mind.

"I have a feeling someone was listening to us while we were getting these cookies ready," Cordelia ponders out loud, but it doesn't seem to concern her. "If they were, I wonder if they thought we were doing something... naughty earlier. It _has_ been many months since we've seen each other."

"There's absolutely no way anyone would think that."

For some reason, the thought that _anyone_ could have misinterpreted their actions as erotic is amusing, and they both laugh at the absurd thought.

"Honestly, I'd rather just sit with you hand-in-hand on the couch for the time-being," Robin says, and he means it; just being back with his wife is the greatest thing he can ever ask for. "I'm in no rush for naughty at the moment... maybe in a few days, perhaps, but right now, all I want is your companionship."

"Same with me," Cordelia agrees, and she hugs her husband in contentment. "I love you."

Robin responds back with a kiss, "I love you too."

THE END

* * *

Author's Notes

Well, this interesting fic is for dudeaga! Here's the exact words of what he wanted from me, that I've copy and pasted from his PM:

"Please make a crack fanfiction with the Tactican (from either game) screaming "GACK," and "SQUEEZE IT, AHHHHHHHHHHH" without it being a lemon. If there's anyone that can take on this challenge, it's you."

Eventually, he requested RobinxCordelia. It seems the story turned into a lime instead, but at least it's not a lemon. In fact, the worst part is what goes on with Sully and Sumia. I purposely picked them as the bystanders; Sully seemed like someone who actually wouldn't feel too embarrassed to do something like that in front of another girl, (or even the general public depending on the circumstances) and Sumia is just so innocent. Nowi would have been creepy to use, and it would have seemed OOC with Olivia, so Sumia seemed like a good compromise. Originally, I went into EVEN MORE detail, but I scratched some details to keep it rated T.

The husband choices were also purposely picked; Libra because he's the really religious one who probably would not feel at all comfortable when Sully confronts him, and Lon'qu because his gynophobia would make him quite uncomfortable as well when Sumia confronts him. :p

Other than the "rated T for a reason" stuff, this seemed like a pretty good fic, actually. I may have reversed the roles a little bit from what was originally asked for, but I hope that doesn't matter, because I think this way makes more sense. Hope Robin and Cordelia's interactions with each other were cute!

So, now what? I'm in the mood to commit another "unforgivable sin" of Fire Emblem pairings; this time from FE7. It involves everyone's favourite Serra... and the result will be that I'm ignoring one of the most cherished FE7 pairings in the game to get this man together with her. Not with heartbreak, obviously, but still. You guys want to put in some guesses on who it is?


End file.
